Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann escapes serious injury Friday after a freak accident at a Minnesota Tea Party event.
An Indian arrow, shot high into the air as part of yesterday’s Boston Tea Party reenactment, fell to earth and struck the controversial Minnesota Representative in the forehead. Continuing on, the arrow passed directly through the center of Bachmann’s skull, thus missing her brain by a good three or four inches.
“It’s a freaking miracle,” said Dr. Bill Frist, holding aloft an x-ray of Bachmann’s cranium. “Michele’s brain is so tiny, and is positioned so low atop her brain stem, you could stick a dozen arrows through that melon without hitting anything. Terry Schiavo’s brain — which, by the way, I completely misdiagnosed — was like David McCallum’s future brain in that episode of Outer Limits compared to Bachmann’s.”
Reached for comment, comedian Steve Martin said he was not considering legal action, stating, “I don’t believe this was a conscious attempt to steal intellectual property. I do believe, however, that the words ‘Michele Bachmann’, ‘conscious’ and ‘intellectual property’ will never again appear together in the same sentence.”
Ross Perot, surprised to learn that he himself is still living, commented, “You hear that loud sucking sound? That’s the arrow being withdrawn from Michele Bachmann’s noggin!”
“An arrow escape? I don’t get it,” said Bachmann, shortly before ricocheting around the room like a rapidly deflating party balloon as doctors retracted the arrow.