New Republican Birth-control Method Revealed!

“Legitimate Rape” prevents most pregnancies.

Missouri Representative Todd Akin (R) today revealed the long-practiced but little discussed Republican birth-control method of forcible or “legitimate” rape.

“A woman’s baby-making parts just shut down during a rape,” explained Akin, “and so the rapist’s sperm can’t figure out where to go, or something like that, I guess.” When asked to explain how this new method could be effective when practiced in consensual or married sexual relationships, Akin smiled and said, “Trust me, anytime a Republican has sex with a woman it is legitimately a rape. If it wasn’t for forcible rape we’d never have sex at all!”  Akin added, “You see that ‘R’ following my name?  That ain’t for Republican!”

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About Burl Ross

Actor/Writer/Mime/Videographer
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