“Legitimate Rape” prevents most pregnancies.
Missouri Representative Todd Akin (R) today revealed the long-practiced but little discussed Republican birth-control method of forcible or “legitimate” rape.
“A woman’s baby-making parts just shut down during a rape,” explained Akin, “and so the rapist’s sperm can’t figure out where to go, or something like that, I guess.” When asked to explain how this new method could be effective when practiced in consensual or married sexual relationships, Akin smiled and said, “Trust me, anytime a Republican has sex with a woman it is legitimately a rape. If it wasn’t for forcible rape we’d never have sex at all!” Akin added, “You see that ‘R’ following my name? That ain’t for Republican!”