Wise King Solobama cuts his re-election chances in half.
After taking everything else off the table, wise King Solobama delivered his decision to the two anxious women.
“I shall cut the baby in half!” Solobama proclaimed.
The first woman, the wealthy Repuplica, said, “Go ahead! It’s not my baby! Nobody will ever vote for you again! You’ll be a one-term King!”
The second woman, the middle-class Democrita, pleaded, “No! Don’t cut my baby in half! That’s a terrible compromise! Just give me my baby back!”
The wise King Solobama smiled, cut the baby in half and handed it back to Democrita.
“We all have to sacrifice to solve our Nation’s problems. Now, step aside while I throw this Republican into the briar patch, against his wishes. See? Now we have all sacrificed.”
And to this day, nobody remembers the one-term King Solobama.
The word, Morons, is pronounced DAY-ta. NOT DAT-ah. Let the most intelligent being in the universe explain:
Republicans are dicks. Democrats are pussies. Any wonder we’re all getting screwed? (Why do you think the formal definition of sexual intercourse is “congress”?)
Q: What is the difference between Osama and Obama?
A: One had the groundwork for his success completely laid out by George W. Bush. The other is President of the United States.
Yet the Republicans, true to form, have congratulated Bush over Obama, claiming Obama “followed the vigilance of President Bush” (Eric Kantor), and that “the tools that President Bush put into place… served his successor quite well” (Karl Rove), among many others.
Americans and the American media may, from this day forward, safely ignore anything said by anyone still clueless enough to admit to being a Republican. In the near future, when the Republican party has been shut down completely, we can all thankfully say, “We don’t know where they are, we don’t really spend that much time on them.”
President Clinton established the CIA’s Bin Laden Unit (Alec Station) in 1996. George W. Bush shut it down in 2005, famously shrugging, “I don’t know where he is, I don’t really spend that much time on him.” In 2008 President Obama again prioritized the hunt for Bin Laden, with ultimate success.
“It just seems very suspicious to me,” said Trump, after viewing President Obama’s late evening speech announcing Osama bin Laden’s death by American forces. “I mean, here’s a guy who is alive one minute, then dead the next. How does that happen? Nobody has seen his death certificate. I’ve got people investigating this, and until they get a death certificate I will not be convinced that bin Laden was born in the United States. I mean Kenya. I mean graduated from Harvard.” At this, Trumps hair suddenly ripped itself off his head and fled the scene, shrieking, “If you ever find a monkey’s paw, do not, I repeat, do not wish for a talking asshole!”